According to this article, Mr. Dylan’s pefrect Christmas dinner consists of: “mashed potatoes and gravy, roast turkey and collard greens, turnip greens, biscuit dressing, corn bread and cranberry sauce.”
I give it a solid B+.
Apparently NASA failed to notice that we nearly got wiped out by a blasted asteroid:
Although no one noticed at the time, the Earth was almost hit by an asteroid last Friday.
The previously undiscovered asteroid came within 8,700 miles of Earth but astronomers noticed it only 15 hours before it made its closest approach.
Hey, shake it off NASA — we know you are busy with bigger things like shooting the moon with missles and irradiating monkeys, you can’t be distracted by Kamikaze asteroids.
Yesterday, the Supreme Court denied cert regarding John Allen Muhammad’s conviction and death penalty without comment. Today, the governor of Virginia denied Muhammad’s plea for clemency.
A fitting end for Muhammad, whose victims (including a 13-year-old boy shot in the chest) were sniped in cold blood without the opportunity to appeal or plead for mercy.
Let him rot.
Late last night I discovered “literal” videos on YouTube – where someone re-writes the words of a song to literally describe what is happening in the music video. They were extremely funny in the wee hours of the morning but so far today they have held up. My favorite is Read My Mind by the Killers.
The Original version (embedding has been disabled)
The “Literal” version
The ever thrifty and reasonable folks at NASA have hatched a new plan on the heels of bombing the moon. This newest plan involves irradiating monkeys.
NASA is to expose squirrel monkeys to daily radiation doses to help them understand the effects of long space trips on humans.
[Is this poorly written or do monkeys need to understand space travel's effects on humans? And how will radiation poisoning help that?]
The researchers are to pay particular attention to the effects on the monkeys’ central nervous systems and behaviour. The monkeys, previously trained to perform a variety of tasks, will be tested to see how the exposure affects their performance.
Here are your official Underdog Soldier predictions:
1. Radiation will prove to be bad for monkeys.
2. Radiation will impair the monkeys’ abilities to perform tasks
Finally, is NASA taking cues from The Onion?
You’re a man of the mountain, you can walk on the clouds
Manipulator of crowds, you’re a dream twister.
This tell-tale graph courtesy of American Thinker:
Apparently his songs of freedom are not free:
Heirs of the Jamaican reggae legend [Bob Marley] are plunging into the global trademark wars, seeking to enforce their exclusive rights to an image that has grown steadily in scope and appeal since the Jamaican superstar died of brain cancer in 1981 at age 36.
The Marley name, look and sound are estimated to generate an estimated $600 million a year in sales of unlicensed wares. Legal sales are much smaller — just $4 million for his descendants in 2007, according to Forbes magazine. The Marleys refuse to give a figure.
Now the family has hired Toronto-based Hilco Consumer Capital to protect their rights to the brand. Hilco CEO Jamie Salter believes Marley products could be a $1 billion business in a few years.
From The Minority Report
Due to the extreme popularity of the “Cash for Clunkers” auto rebate program, whereby new car buyers may obtain up to $4500 in federal government rebates by turning in older, less efficient vehicles, the president has decided to announce a new wrinkle in his Universal Healthcare proposals.
During a Townhall Meeting in Ottumwa, Iowa, President Obama unveiled an innovative proposal to cut healthcare costs, to be called “Cash for Codgers.” Young, uninsured Americans may receive up to a $5000 healthcare voucher for medical treatment, if they turn in for exchange an older, unhealthy relative.
The older relative must be between the ages of 65 and 90, and preferabl[y] should be suffering from some debilitating or expensive to treat disease. Relatively healthy old people will be considered for the program, the president explained, but preference would be given to those “on their last legs.”
“I believe this can be a teachable moment,” the president told the handpicked crowd of under thirty-year-olds. “We know that over half of all healthcare costs are incurred in a persons final year of life. What we need to do, to hold down government sponsored healthcare costs, is to simply eliminate that final year,” he explained.
