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Healthcare Solution: Cash for Codgers

October 29, 2009

From The Minority Report

Due to the extreme popularity of the “Cash for Clunkers” auto rebate program, whereby new car buyers may obtain up to $4500 in federal government rebates by turning in older, less efficient vehicles, the president has decided to announce a new wrinkle in his Universal Healthcare proposals.

During a Townhall Meeting in Ottumwa, Iowa, President Obama unveiled an innovative proposal to cut healthcare costs, to be called “Cash for Codgers.” Young, uninsured Americans may receive up to a $5000 healthcare voucher for medical treatment, if they turn in for exchange an older, unhealthy relative.

The older relative must be between the ages of 65 and 90, and preferabl[y] should be suffering from some debilitating or expensive to treat disease. Relatively healthy old people will be considered for the program, the president explained, but preference would be given to those “on their last legs.”

“I believe this can be a teachable moment,” the president told the handpicked crowd of under thirty-year-olds. “We know that over half of all healthcare costs are incurred in a persons final year of life. What we need to do, to hold down government sponsored healthcare costs, is to simply eliminate that final year,” he explained.

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